are you there ashaley, It's me your colon

Well we all go through it , most of the time without warning all of a sudden the pain hits then sweats your heart is racing you are rushing to go find the closest bathroom hoping if in public that no one will be in there. Your hurting its coming and you can not stop it. There is fear anger worry and nothing you can do but hope you make it there in time. Its shameful and you feel less of a human for it. But it happens to all of us crohnies. That sudden urge to go that you can not hold back. No matter what you do how you eat, rest, take your meds whatever you may do to help your crohns we all get those gotta go moments. As I am writing this I am currently in my bathroom which I had got up and rushed to as if i were a trained running jumping over some toys and by passing my son asking if I was ok to get the relief of sitting down and letting out a sigh knowing I made it in time! Most of us hide this we try to stay home s much as we can and avoid all things public ( just in case ). It is a matter of life with crohns no matter what you do at times it will happen. That is a point that we all must realize and eventully get past in time. I can recall countless times ive been in public or at someones house trying to avoid it and hoping no one would notice what was going on. Ive gotten rude remarks in public from strangers in a bathroom who had no idea I had crohns and that nasty smell I couldnt help or avoid. Its not a part of my life like it or not it is a part of me. for awhile i tried to figure out a way to stop it. even more than public I hated waking up half asleep in the midle of the night trying to make it to the bathroom. but then again my bathroom is my friend I can sit in there as long as I want I have my books and magazines. I have read every label in there on all the products that are even close to the pot. it doesnt matter if im in there 5 minutes or 5 hours. It is my safe place and I can have a little piece of serenity even it if is just a bathroom to most. to me it is freedom not to worry about how it smells how long im in ect. if anyone in my home has a problem with it oh well. well all need that. the one safe bathroom that we dont have to worry about being in. we all panic but in that panic we dont realize that theres little to do when it happens just go with it. Crohns is now a part of you and like it or not it is staying. I still get scared walking into a public bathroom but find humor when people rush out or make comments about the smell and or sounds.

soo what to do:
1. dont worry so much you can not help whats going on and some people wont understand dont worry about those people they dont matter

2.  do not harm yourself by trying to keep it in. or not eat because your afraid of going poop.

3. at home keep nice soft paper and wet wipes in your bathroom pamper your bottom after all it goes through alot

4. try breathing your way through the pain and panic attacks

5.  find your safe bathroom

Remeber when upset, alone depressed you are not alone! look for a support group, find a fellow crohnie online. go to fb blogs websites anything to ease your mind. Togather we are strong!

Thing 4???

Ok everyone IM PREGNANT! Now before I go on this rant of hating drs and wtf is going on let me just say somewhere deep inside im hoping it is a boy. Lets start from the beginning well I started the challenges as well as landing a job I love in october!! Oh yeah I was sooo happy I was making a good amount of money and planning to find a new place to live ect. Then I noticed I was getting more tired it was harder to workout. lifting at work was getting extremely hard and my stomach was killing me more than the usual crohnie pain. I had had issues with my birth control making me bleed and had switched to a diffrent one before all of this started and still I kept bleeding. Fast forward I am taking pregnancy text like mad wondering wtf is wrong there all negative but everyone around me knows im pregnant which is how it goes. My mom always misses periods and gets pregnancy cravings, puking ect when anyone close to her is pregnant. I went to the drs and they kept telling me I wasnt yet I had quit bleeding and was at the point of a break down because I couldnt figure it out something was off and we all knew it!! Finally we got it confirmed im pregnant well if you ask my family dr I am not pregnant! he seems to think that i need a blood test everyday to check the levels and all that. never going to him again! Now I sit wondering how far along I really am because we have no sure way of telling untill the first ultrasound. I have been through the hoops with drs and endless calls trying to get n and yesterday after calling my ob over and over again I finally get ahold of someone who actully looks at my file and sees that I am extremely high risk and sets me up for an appointment today. I am scared and worried and wondering how far along I am. I am tired of drs and there bs ive delt with alot because of drs not understanding crohns and not realizing that I actully know what im talking about when it comes to my body. I havent worked in a few weeks and I miss it, I miss my residents and miss being able to be there for the ones who dont have family to come see them. I went in the beginning of the week to get my check and got soo many hugs even more when I let them know I was expecting they want me back theere like an extended part of my family. I know that when I am there my job is to care for them and make sure they are alright and when I went in seeing there faces light up I knew I had been doing a good job and it hurts me knowing they miss me. but hopfully soon they will have me back on shift!! untill then I am focasing on my 3 little monsters and trying to make it through this pregnancy! this afternoon im hoping my ob will do an ultrasound so we can see how far along as for right now were estimating july 2014!!!

crohns medication and me

So I went threw i tiny bit of me having crohns and recieved a request to talk about my medications and diet. It worries me someone reading my diet and thinking oh well she does it so I could too. no this is at this point a disclaimer please do not take anything i write as medical advice. each person body is diffrent and everyone has diffrent triggers. I know mine well and know what I can and can not tolorate. I would say take your time and elarn yours and dont follow a fad crohns diet just becasue someone says it will work you know your body better than anyone else even your g.i, only you can say what can and can not work for it. it takes years to know yourself and all of your trigger but it is well worth it. with this being said i will write about my diet and do a part two for my medications!!

Ok so first off i have for straight point diet i can not have milk, anything spicey or with a lot of acid, nothing with a lot of fiber, no pork, beef very rarely, and most veggies are a no no! but i eat healthy im not perfect and some times i eat unhealthy food but mostly i eat very organic and natural i do canning with fresh local fruits and veggies so i can eat that way all year long i stay away from startches as much as i can. and processed foods. as well as fast food. it is a rare treat to eat out, or have some chips!!! i love boiled eggs they dont hurt me. i hate fish so that isnt happening at all yuck!! i try to eat as healthy as i can and watch how much i eat i try not to over eat but hey it happens I will be in some pain but feel better again and move forward. what helps is what I eat everyone in the house eats they have adopted a healthier eating habit and my kids will sit aorund and snack on fruits and veggies all day long. we do have quite a bit of fruits and veggies I cant eat here butthe rest of the family eating healthy makes me happy. they do get mcdonalds every so often I dont deny them what most of us what have grown up with. we simply choose to make it rare and show them that you can make a home cooked meal and it taste good without being frozen or in a box. and yes you can enjoy your food without it being smoothered in grease for every meatl. and it helps that our kids know how to eat healthy even at there young ages they are allowed to make decisions on what they eat and they make the right ones. they even know what I cant eat and will call me out if i am eating one of my triggers! they grew up with me sick it is a normal for them. they are allowed to be included in making some meals and thats what makes some meals better than others when they can help out or sit and watch us. we have adopted this clean eating life style and we love it! i know this isnt a cut and dry i eat this and not this. but the way we eat and prepare our food isnt cut and dry and me listing it out like that will not help anyone we are all indviduals and our body react diffrently!

here are some jams i made i love our jams i could eat them all day long and be just fine!

a smoked brisket with just picked greenbeans something about smoked meat it never hurt me!!!